


Not Enough Time

by iam_spock (FanficbyLee)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, McSpirk - Freeform, Spock - Freeform, T'hy'la, spock prime - Freeform, star trek aos - Freeform, t'hy'lara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 03:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4003813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanficbyLee/pseuds/iam_spock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock mourns Jim and Leonard with some emotional support from Spock Prime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Enough Time

The morning fog was heavy, droplets of water collected on the brim of my hat until they dropped off to spatter on my gray uniform. My ankles would have been soaked from the damp grass as well if they weren't protected by my boots as it was the fabric was wet and stained by grass. It was cold, and I shivered as I stepped beneath the canopy of a trio of thick trees. Beyond the trees I was surrounded by a sea of white tombstones, equal size, equal distance, row after row set out in military precision that was unlike most of humanity. In this place I could find the order that my Vulcan half sought—I could also find those I had lost.

It had been an accident. There'd been no attack. No anomaly in space. No pilot error. A flutter in the shuttlecraft's deflector, and a handful of micro-meteors had sliced through the shuttle's shields and skin like a boulder through a piece of wet rice paper. Decompression had been almost instantaneous. The damage to the shuttle's computer had prevented any precautions and defenses from protecting them.

Every single thing that Leonard thought could go wrong in a shuttlecraft in the blackness of space had happened in thirty seconds. Half a minute that cost him his life and Jim's. They were gone.

"It was not supposed to be like this," I said as I approached their graves. Jim and Leonard were close to Admiral Pike. It is what the Admiral would have wanted, and I'd used what influence I had and my father's to ensure that they were with the man that Jim thought of as a father. The three of us had spent days over the years telling stories of Pike, sharing how much we missed and loved him. It was fitting that they be here together.

"I was supposed to have years with them. Decades."

"I know." I did not turn toward the elderly Vulcan as he joined me. He was dressed in traditional Vulcan clothing, long draping sleeves beneath a short cape that covered him down to his knees. The condensation was beading on his clothing as well. There would be rain by the time we left the graves.

"Their eyes were the colors of the Earth." That was something I'd told them both on the night I proposed that we be married. "Leonard's brown and green like the forests. Jim's blue for the sky and seas." I glanced up at the Ambassador as I ran my fingers along the grooves in the stone where their names were etched one after the other. "I know yours were the opposite."

"They were." He placed his hand on my shoulder, and I could feel his own pain. "I am sorry, Spock. You should have had more time. You have lost too much to be so young."

And the tears I had been determined not to shed fell. Three days ago at the funeral, I'd kept my eyes dry, standing with what was now my crew to say goodbye to our captain and chief medical officer. But this was different. I was saying goodbye to my t'hy'lara, my husbands, the men I had shared my soul with. "I felt it. As strongly as I felt Vulcan die and mother. It is as if my soul—"

Ambassador Spock's fingers moved from my shoulder to touch the side of my face as he crouched until he was on his knees at my side. It was an undignified position for him, and at his age it could not have been comfortable, but it was not his comfort he was concerned with, it was mine. "Let me share my memories with you."

"Was that not something you swore not to do?" my voice cracked when I asked the question. My emotions were free, unfettered for the first time since my loss, and I hoped that I would be able to contain them once more. I was captain of the Enterprise now. It would be unseemly for me to roam the halls weeping as I'd once joked to Leonard before we'd become friends.

"It was, but as I have broken that promise in the past, I see no logical reason to keep to it now."

"That would be illogical." I turned into his touch, raising my mirrored hand to touch the katra points on his face and opened my mind to see the future that I had been denied. It no longer mattered that I might see glimpses of my future life. The time stream had shifted too much for there to be more than a smattering of similarities. We had been two of the same person before, but now we merely shared brief moments of history and DNA. I would never have what he had, but I was grateful when the joy he felt with his companions mingled with my own—filling some of the vacuum their deaths had left behind.

He had lost them too. One to the dangers of space. The other to old age as it should have been for my McCoy as well. It did not surprise me that Jim had been lost on a starship. Unlike the Ambassador's own death, there was no Genesis device to bring his Jim or Leonard back just as no amount of Khan's blood would give them back to me.

It was raining when we broke the mind meld. Real precipitation not the drizzle that had shrouded our arrival. I helped the Ambassador to his feet, holding his arm until I knew he had found his balance. "How do you feel, Captain?"

For a moment I thought of telling him that he and Sarek were all that I had left to care for, but I knew that to be a lie. I had Enterprise. "I feel fine—" a word we had both teased our mother about "—and it is time for us to go home."

"Someplace warm and dry would suffice," he said as we left the men we loved behind.  


End file.
